Releasing You into the World

Bringing you into the world
was a half-cocked plan,
born of accident and bravado.
Of one thing I was certain:
I would do better than my parents.
My smart resolve soon fell away
into the ruts of their well-worn path.

From the Box Store of Beliefs,
I bought a large suitcase.
Around scratchy clothes and
tight shoes, I arranged for you
all the useless nothings
Of Propriety and how.it.is.supposed.to.be.

I watched that unwieldy valise
bounce against your new knees.
I knew this was best for you
because Important Things are Heavy
and keeping a grip on Big Truths
takes tenacity and brute strength.

As the years went by,
The pillars of what I thought
I knew, what I thought was true,
Toppled.

I remembered
The dream of another way,
Of the path that says:
It is never too late to let go
of the Warping Weight.

It is not too late
For us
to slide that clunker
out the rear car door
into a backwash ditch.

Now, I’m buying you a big bandana
and a stick.

I’m packing you a bundle
Of deodorant and daring
and creativity and chapstick
and sriracha and compassion
and fuzzy socks and
the salve of let.it.go and
the balm of how.it.could.be.

I will watch you set off,
A bright bandana ball bobbing behind you.

Yes, that will be a happy way to release you into the world.

Zippered Pride

Let me tell you what I can do.

I can drive my standard
down Bread Loaf mountain
and never touch the brakes
until the last defiant curve.

I can find sand dollars
with my toes and
hermit crabs with my fingers
and slide them into to a child’s bucket.

I can make a cookie -
You’d choose it for your last meal:
Crisp edges and a chewy center,
Butterscotch Oatmeal Walnut

I can make a meal
from empty cabinets
and fill a dining room table
on Easter and Thanksgiving.

I can change a tire,
Unclog drains,
Find studs,
Replace filters.

I can make chicken soup,
Send that card,
Pay those bills,
Remember everyone’s birthday.

And.

I cannot leave my house
with my dress fully zipped.
And at the end of all I do,
I cannot unzip myself.

It all comes down
to this one small gesture,
the small seedling moment
that rifts my stony, stoic existence.

It is the weight of the hand
against my back, tugging downward,
breaking me open,
It is all that follows.

And all that I can do
Is silenced
by the quiet clicks
of the one thing
I cannot.