Zippered Pride

Let me tell you what I can do.

I can drive my standard
down Bread Loaf mountain
and never touch the brakes
until the last defiant curve.

I can find sand dollars
with my toes and
hermit crabs with my fingers
and slide them into to a child’s bucket.

I can make a cookie -
You’d choose it for your last meal:
Crisp edges and a chewy center,
Butterscotch Oatmeal Walnut

I can make a meal
from empty cabinets
and fill a dining room table
on Easter and Thanksgiving.

I can change a tire,
Unclog drains,
Find studs,
Replace filters.

I can make chicken soup,
Send that card,
Pay those bills,
Remember everyone’s birthday.

And.

I cannot leave my house
with my dress fully zipped.
And at the end of all I do,
I cannot unzip myself.

It all comes down
to this one small gesture,
the small seedling moment
that rifts my stony, stoic existence.

It is the weight of the hand
against my back, tugging downward,
breaking me open,
It is all that follows.

And all that I can do
Is silenced
by the quiet clicks
of the one thing
I cannot.

On the Sidelines in the Spring

In the bay, people are walking their dogs
on water and pretending it’s ice.

I’m new here, but I’m not blind.

Eager dog paws and bright boots kick up water
as they slosh further from shore.

Their excursions unnerve me. I wonder
what ancient heat, what fanning winds
have driven them to this mad adventure.

I will admit,
the sun has drawn close,
intense and bright,
and I feel
slightly intoxicated,
and even, a bit ornery. Still.

I haven’t forgotten the definition of foolhardy, or just plain dumb.

Maybe I’m just a cautious old dog,
puppy love once, but long ago.

I lean forward to watch the show.

I wonder how they know, these tethered companions,
When it’s time to stop walking?

When is the day they walk to the edge, and turn back?

Or maybe they don’t. Maybe here
they keep venturing out
onto melting ice, hoping for the best.

Maybe here they ignore
thin ice warnings
from the news and their
friends. Maybe they even
ignore the snapping
under their own feet.

Maybe, one more walk
on a brilliant day is
worth the plunge,
worth the flailing
through icy water to emerge,
half-dead, onto the shore.

I lean my body back
into the smooth curve
of the bench, and zip my coat
up over my chest, and
settle on the verge
of maybe Spring.